When I was a
puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh.
You called me
your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a
couple of
murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. ...
Whenever I
was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could
you?" --
but then you'd relent and roll me over for a belly rub.
My
housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were
terribly
busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of
nuzzling you
in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams,
and I
believed that life could not be any more perfect.
We went for
long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice
cream (I only
got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" you said),
and I took
long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of
the day.
Gradually,
you began spending more time at work and on your career, and
more time
searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently,
comforted you
through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you
about bad
decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when
you fell in
love.
She, now your
wife, is not a "dog person" -- still I welcomed her into our
home, tried
to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you
were happy.
Then the
human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was
fascinated by
their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother
them, too.
Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent
most of my
time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I
wanted to
love them, but I became a prisoner of love."
As they began
to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and
pulled
themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes,
investigated
my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything
about them
and their touch -- because your touch was now so infrequent --
and I
would've defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into
their beds
and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we
waited for
the sound of your car in the driveway.
There had
been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you
produced a
photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me.
These past
few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I
had gone from
being "your dog" to "just a dog," and you resented every
expenditure
on my behalf.
Now, you have
a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they
will be
moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the
right
decision for your "family," but there was a time when I was your
only family.
I was excited
about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter.
It smelled of
dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the
paperwork and
said "I know you will find a good home for her." They
shrugged and
gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing
a middle-aged
dog, even one with "papers."
You had to
pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed,
"No,
Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and
what lessons
you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about
love and
responsibility, and about respect for all life.
You gave me a
good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely
refused to
take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet
and now I
have one, too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you
probably knew
about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to
find me
another good home. They shook their heads and asked "How could
you?"
They are as
attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules
allow. They
feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago.
At first,
whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it
was you that
you had changed your mind -- that this was all a bad dream...
or I hoped it
would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save
me.
When I
realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of
happy
puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner
and waited. I
heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the
day, and I
padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A
blissfully
quiet room.
She placed me
on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry.
My heart
pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a
sense of
relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days.
As is my
nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she
bears weighs
heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your
every mood.
She gently
placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her
cheek. I
licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many
years ago.
She expertly
slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting
and the cool
liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked
into her kind
eyes and murmured "How could you?"
Perhaps
because she understood my dogspeak, she said "I'm so sorry." She
hugged me,
and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a
better place,
where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have
to fend for
myself --a place of love and light so very different from this
earthly
place.
And with my
last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of
my tail that
my "How could you?" was not directed at her. It was directed
at you, My
Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and
wait for you
forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so
much loyalty.
----------------------------
A Note from
the Author:
----------------------------
If "How
Could You?" brought tears to your eyes as you read it, as it did
to mine as I
wrote it, it is because it is the composite story of the
millions of
formerly "owned" pets who die each year in American and
Canadian
animal shelters. Anyone is welcome to distribute the essay for a
noncommercial
purpose, as long as it is properly attributed with the
copyright
notice. Please use it to help educate, on your websites, in
newsletters,
on animal shelter and vet office bulletin boards. Tell the
public that
the decision to add a pet to the family is an important one
for life,
that animals deserve our love and sensible care, that finding
another
appropriate home for your animal is your responsibility and any
local humane
society or animal welfare league can offer you good advice,
and that all
life is precious. Please do your part to stop the killing,
and encourage
all spay and neuter campaigns in order to prevent unwanted
animals. -Jim Willis-